


what to say

by Twice_before_Friday



Series: Altered & Extended - season 1 [5]
Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Episode: s01e05 The Trip, Gen, Sort Of, Stand Alone, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:35:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22418608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twice_before_Friday/pseuds/Twice_before_Friday
Summary: Picks up after Dani punched Malcolm when he was hallucinating in the bathroom. What if that didn't knock him out for the night? What if there was more shit for them to get through before he got his 5 hours of sleep?
Relationships: Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell
Series: Altered & Extended - season 1 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557952
Comments: 23
Kudos: 177





	what to say

**Author's Note:**

> All the works in this series are stand alone. You don't need to have read the others to read this one.
> 
> This story deals with some suicidal themes. If that's a problem for you, please don't read this. If you're having suicidal thoughts, there are loads of resources available, if you can just take that first step and ask for help.

_Bright?_

_Bright? Relax._

_Relax._

_Bright, calm down._

_Calm... Hey, hey Bright._

\---

She doesn't even mean to, really. It's almost instinctual, her body employing the quickest way to neutralize the threat, before her mind has even caught up. Not that she's worried about Bright hurting her. But the way he's hyperventilating and clawing at his chest, it's a very real possibility that he is going to hurt himself. 

Either way, her fist makes contact with Bright's jaw. And it fucking hurts. 

She shakes out her hand with a wince as she watches Malcolm slump against the wall, groaning, either from the impact of her fist on his jaw or his face against the bathroom tile. She isn't entirely sure which it is, but at least his breathing has slowed to an almost normal pace and he doesn't seem to be losing his shit anymore.

He gives his head a shake and looks up at her with those huge puppy eyes and she feels surprisingly bad about socking him one. Her nose crinkles up in embarrassment as she apologizes quietly.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

He looks confused more than anything else. His forehead creases as he rubs at his face, jutting his jaw left and right and curling himself tightly in the corner of the shower. He still has a bit of that vacant, glassy-eyed look going on, and she's not sure if he's still hallucinating whatever crazy-ass shit he was seeing before or if he's back with her.

"Bright?" She says, unsure. She reaches out, intending to check his face for injuries, but he flinches so hard as her hand gets near that it startles her and she yanks it back, taking half a step away from him.

"Shit." And now she feels even worse. The poor guy already has a head full of monsters to scare him. It comes as a surprise just how much it bothers her that he might be afraid of her now, too.

She crouches down so she's at the same height as him where he's still crumpled in the shower and tries again.

"Bright? Can you hear me?" she realizes she's speaking in the same tone that she uses when talking to her three year old niece, but she can't seem to manage anything more adult when Bright is curled up and looking so helpless. "Bright, you're safe. Whatever you thought you saw wasn't real. It's just you and me here."

The way his head ticks ever so slightly and his eyes blink a bit too quickly make her think that he's heard her, but he's still not responding and she's getting worried. She knows this entire situation is sort of her fault and there's a knot in her stomach that's twisting uncomfortably seeing him stuck in his head when it's clearly such a frightening place for him to be. He doesn't deserve the horrors that life has brought him and she wants to find a way to help where she can.

Besides, Gil will definitely fire her if something happens to Bright.

She's chewing on her lip, trying to decide what she should do and if she needs to call Gil when the smoke alarm goes off and she realizes that she left the grilled cheese cooking on the stove top when Malcolm ran panicking into the bathroom. She jumps to her feet and runs out of the bathroom, trying to ignore how Bright had slapped his hands over his ears at the shrill ringing, his breathing picking back up to gasping pants before she had even made it out of the bathroom.

The sandwich is basically charcoal and smoking wildly, but thankfully not on fire. She grabs the pan and tosses the whole thing in the sink, turning the water on full blast to be safe, before going back to turn off the stove.

"Everything's okay," she calls over her shoulder, hoping Bright can hear her over the smoke alarm and the voices in his head. "It’s under control."

She snaps a dish towel towards the smoke detector, wafting clean air over in an attempt to shut the damn thing down before the neighbours call 911. The last thing any of them needs is to explain the NYPD consultant's higher-than-a-kite state to the police. 

Several minutes of towel-flapping and inventive cursing finally kills the alarm, leaving Dani with a piercing ringing in her ears in the sudden silence. She huffs out a breath of relief, but it's short lived. The first sound she hears clearly is the front door slamming open so hard it bounces off the wall and bangs shut again.

Dani's head whips towards the door at the same speed that her stomach drops to the floor.

"Bright!" She yells as she runs to the door, yanking it open with the same force that Bright had probably just used. She ignores the bang of the door as it closes behind her but skids to a halt halfway down the second flight of stairs when she hears another slam from further up. 

_Roof access_. It flashes in her mind like a neon sign.

"No, no, no, no, no..." Dani turns and sprints up the stairs, only slowing as she reaches the door to the roof. She takes a second to suck in a deep breath, afraid of what she might find, or might not find, on the other side of the door. She also wants to make sure she doesn't burst out onto the roof and startle Malcolm.

She opens the door slowly, gently, and treads carefully out onto the roof. She's still in her clothes from the club and the cool wind bites at her exposed skin as soon as she steps outside. She ignores it entirely as she spots Malcolm standing on the low ledge of the building, facing out into the street.

Dani's breath leaves her in a rush, her heart jack-hammering so hard in her chest that she can't seem to take any air in to replace it. Her mouth moves, lips forming around his name, but no sound comes out as she stands frozen in place, her body tingling yet numb, just outside the doorway. 

Malcolm sways slightly where he stands, and Dani finally gets the sharp hit of adrenaline she needs to get moving. She closes the door quietly behind herself and begins walking towards Malcolm. There's a buzz in her veins and a low humming in her ears as she takes slow and steady steps, trying to keep the panic at bay and remember her training for talking down potential suicides. And all of a sudden, thinking of Bright as a 'potential suicide' makes her stomach reel and her throat spasm as she tries not to vomit.

"Malcolm," Dani calls out, loudly enough for him to hear her over the floating sounds of traffic below but quietly enough not to frighten him. "Malcolm, whatever's going on, I'm here to listen."

She makes a wide arc over to the ledge, quite a ways down from where Malcolm is standing, not wanting him to feel caged in or pressured, but needing him to know that she _is_ there. That she really _is_ listening. 

She watches him stand there with his eyes closed, tremors shaking his too thin frame, and her heart shatters for him. The protective instinct hits her hard and she realizes in that moment that Malcolm has, at some point, become one of her people, and she is absolutely not going to let anything happen to him.

"Malcolm, can you tell me what's going on?" She asks, hoping she can get him talking. Hoping he's not just trapped in his head and unaware that she's even there.

"I'm so tired." She doesn't know if he's talking to her or just talking, but it's a start. She can work with that.

"Okay. So why don't you come inside and we can get some sleep?" 

"She's there. She's always there." He's still got his eyes closed and he sounds like he's hit that level that’s so far beyond exhaustion that it’s something else entirely. "I can't find her, so she'll always be there."  
  
She starts crying when she sees the tears streaming down his face. She has no idea what he's talking about, doesn't even know if this is all part of the trip or if it has something to do with those night terrors he has, which means she has no idea what to say to him. And the crisis negotiator that she'd trained with never covered talking down a friend. She only realizes now that maybe she was wrong when she told Malcolm that they weren't friends yet. She doesn't think that she would be feeling this intense ache inside of her if he was just a colleague.

"I know you're scared, Bright, but you have your mom and Ainsley," Dani is very careful not to say 'family', not wanting to accidentally bring up images of his father, "and you have the team now, too. Gil, JT and me. We're all here for you."

Malcolm finally opens his eyes, but he looks down at the street below, not over at her like she'd hoped. He leans forward ever so slightly and she nearly screams, has to fight the urge to rush forward and try to wrap her arms around him.

"I can't fight it. No one can help if there's nothing to fight." He looks completely defeated. "I can't eat. I haven't slept in days. She's following me whether I'm asleep or awake anyways."

She's trying to come up with something to say to him. She wants to tell him that it will get better, but she knows she's never supposed say that to someone in crisis. She's still trying to work out what exactly she _should_ say when Malcolm changes subjects and leaves Dani even more confused.

"Do you believe that dreams have meaning?" He's still looking down at the street below.

"I... I don't know?" She's not sure where he's going with this.

"They say that dreams of falling represent fear, anxiety, an unwillingness to let go..." He takes a half step forward as he says it and suddenly alarm bells are sounding off in her head. "I just want to let go."

"You said I could trust you!" She blurts it out before she can even think it though. "I told you I have issues with trust, and you said I could trust you. You promised."

He finally turns his head to her and she sees he still has that glassy sheen over his eyes but as he looks at her, it starts to clear as he blinks it away. His expression slowly shifts from despair to confusion and she realizes that this is the first time that he's noticing his surroundings. It's like she's watching him wake up as he sees her, sees where he's standing, and is clearly stunned.

"Dani?" He breathes out shakily.

She's by his side in a heartbeat, wrapping her arms around him and helping him back onto the rooftop, releasing a shuttering breath as his feet touch solid ground. He turns to face her and she wraps her arms around him, holding him tightly as he shakes violently in her embrace.

"Shhh. It's okay, you're okay. Everything is going to be alright now." She keeps softly reassuring him until the shaking subsides a little and he pulls back, still trembling but seeming a bit more like his usual self. "Let's go inside now, hmm?"

She supports him as they walk, the tremor making it hard for him to keep upright, and soon they're back in the apartment. She helps him to the bathroom and tells him she'll wait outside for him while he gets cleaned up and ready for bed, and to call if he needs her.

As the door shuts behind him, Dani starts shaking so hard she can barely keep upright. She slides down to the floor and buries her face in her hands as the fading adrenaline leaves her feeling sick and shaky. She still keeps an ear perked for sounds in the bathroom, making sure Malcolm is doing alright, and by the time he emerges 10 minutes later, she is back on her feet, face arranged into a mask of calm reassurance as she leads him to his bed and tenderly helps him into his restraints.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I didn't know... I mean, I didn't realize where I was. I thought it was a dream."

She can see he's crashing and it's probably going to suck, and she doesn't want to make him feel even worse by making him talk about it. It can wait until the morning, when the drugs are out of his system and he's fully aware of what he's saying.

"I know, Bright. It's okay," she says quietly, giving one of his hands a light squeeze. "Just try and get some sleep okay? I'll be here if you need anything."

His eyes are already closing before she's even stood up from the side of her bed, but he mumbles as she walks away, "You called me Malcolm. I liked it."

She smiles to herself, thankful that the mess of a man over in the bed is safe for another day, as she walks towards the kitchen island, intending to just sit and check her phone for a few minutes while she calms down and let's the stress of the night wear off with some mindless social media surfing.

Instead, she's asleep on the counter in less than 3 minutes and stays there until some obnoxiously loud and uplifting music wakes her the next morning.


End file.
